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Children's Books by Lisa Cozza
A BUG IN THE HOUSE
A BUG IN THE TUB
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Holy % & ? @ !
This morning after dropping Zach off at school, I'm heading home, and out
of the corner of my eye, I see it…
A big black, shiny, hairy, beady eyed spider on the windshield of my car.
You may remember this?
I’m driving in a school zone going the posted speed limit, and my neck
is now twisted to the point that my head is virtually upside down because I’m trying to determine whether the spider is on the inside of my car, or the outside.
If it’s on the outside, windshield wiper fluid will take care of it. But if
it’s on the inside, I will need to abandon my vehicle immediately.
I’m only going twenty miles per hour, I can easily open my door and jump if I
have to, because, you know, I am going to DIE if I’m trapped inside my car with a spider!
I travel about two blocks before I figure out that it is on the inside of my windshield. I open my car door, and … NO, I don’t jump. I pull into the first driveway I came to which happens to be a mechanics shop.
I found this rather appropriate.
I park behind the building, got out, open the back hatch, and arm myself with an ice scraper.
Don't judge me.
I move my purse to the backseat because I know for a fact that spider will find its way into my wallet and wait for me to need a quarter. It takes me about five minutes to work up the nerve to actually touch the spider with the tip of the ice scraper.
I take a little swipe at it. Nothing. So, I swipe at it again, this time with
enough force to send it soaring onto my dash, where it bounces once and drops straight into the defrost vent. THUD.
SHIT!
Know anyone who wants to buy a car? It comes with its own ice scraper and everything!
Comments
OMG
I so remember your experience(s) with spiders and nearly panicked myself, just reading this. I hate spiders and am also terrified of them. You had more nerve than me, I would have went and looked for a strong male to take it on. If I could have found one. I have been informed that just because they are male, does not mean they like spiders either. So who do we call? I hope you are going to do a Part II to this article because I am almost holding my breath wondering how you know it is gone or preferably.......dead!
Update
Imagine every day, sometimes several times a day, unlocking the car, (not touching it of course) swinging the door open, jumping back and eyeing it suspiciously. Then carefully moving forward to check out the steering wheel, seats, floor, ceiling, visor, and windows, all while waving your hands to create a breeze, straining to see if there is any movement inside the car. Like a dangling spider or signs of its web.
I. May. Need. Therapy.
So far everything has checked out. Meaning - no spider. I hold my breath while I get in, sit down, and turn the engine over. I shut the door and back out of the driveway carefully, never losing site of the fact that I may need to jump from my car should anything strange happen.
And by strange, I'm referring to the spider.