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On-Line Parenting...

I've been thinking about creating a new category on this website called "On-Line Parenting: Questions and Answers." Where I ask the questions and you answer them. Because, I have to tell you, as a grandparent who is raising her grandchildren, I've been doing this parenting thing for a really. long. time. Like, over thirty years (a part of me just died), and it's still the most difficult thing ever.

What with the world spinning so fast, hair and clothing styles changing every five seconds, and marijuana now legal in eighteen states - and counting, it sometimes looks and feels as if our planet has collided with another planet.

Somebody pass me the bong.

No, seriously. Pass. It.

When I was a little girl and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had one answer, and one answer alone: "A MOM."

I really do have all the basics of parenting down pat. Love your children. Check. Baby-proof the living room in the presence of a baby. Check. Don't poison your teenager's food, no matter how much you feel they may deserve it. Check. And don't leave home with hundreds of dollars in your wallet and drive in the direction of any airport, lest you be tempted to never come back.

Ever.

Check.

See? I've got it down.

Parenting is the hardest job in the world. My step-mother used to say step-parenting is the hardest and most thankless job in the world." (surely I had nothing to do with that analogy). But I'm here to tell you if that's true, then Grand-parenting is the hardest, most thankless, and most resented job in the world.

It's true.

I was whining one day to my therapist about having to raise my grandchildren, when she looked over at me and said, "Yeah, but your grandchildren have to be raised by their grandparents."

Wait. What?

Where. is. that. bong!

By the time our grandchildren begin to appreciate what we've sacrificed, we'll be long gone, and they'll be half way through their inheritance. Maybe more if they super-size those Happy Meals.

Parenting is really, really hard. GOD. It's the hardest job in the world. And for some of us, it's the job that never ends.

Ever.

I love my grandchildren, don't get me wrong. But if I knew then what I know now, and someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up? My answer would most definitely have been "a stuffed animal."

Maui 2013



Aside from Selena getting sick while we were in Maui, and Zach refusing to leave the safety of the sandy beach and venture out more than a foot and a half into the water for fear of his very life, our first vacation in Maui - with the kids, wasn't all that bad.

More to the point... we lived to tell about it.

While the whole idea of being back in Hawaii was really exciting, one of my biggest fears in taking the kids so far from home was that one of them could get sick or hurt, and would need medical attention. We'd figured out from a previous trip to Maui that the only hospital was clear on the other side of the Island from our hotel. It was a two hour drive IF you knew where you were going.

Well, we faced that fear two days into our vacation when Selena woke up with a high fever and sore throat. Fortunately, we found out there was a clinic that accepted walk-ins just a couple blocks from our hotel - no car needed. She had gotten a nasty case of strep throat, for which the on-call doctor prescribed an antibiotic. My throat immediately felt swollen and inflamed upon hearing the words "strep-throat", but I wrestled the hypocondriac in me to the ground, and killed it right then and there.

Selena lost a day in Maui lying in bed, texting friends, playing on her iPad, watching tv, eating ice cream, and sleeping, all with room-service just a phone call away. (It was really, really awful for her). We, of course felt terrible, and called her every thirty minutes from our cabana on the beach. The next day she was up, the fever was gone, and she was ready to venture out for some fun in the sun.

When Scott and I go to Maui, we usually spend the majority of our days on the beach. We snorkel, swim, and soak up as much sun as we possibly can. But having the kids with us meant we had to figure out some other things to do. So, while we spent some time at the beach, we also went to the aquarium, the park, the library, the courthouse, and the old Lahina jail where Scott tried, unsuccessfully, to lock the kids up in an old jail cell. We shopped at the mall, and ate at a few of our favorite restaurants on the island. Several of them, actually. Ok. All of them. We ate at all of them.

There are three things you say over and over while in Hawaii. "Aloha." "Mahalo." And "I'm never eating another thing as long as I live."

Between the four of us, we gained about twenty pounds. It would have been more, but for the fact that Zach actually lost weight. I've told you about "Picky-Eater-Zach", right? Pineapple? Mellon? Fresh Fish? You may as well have offered him dog-poop. Dog-poop. And fresh-dog-poop. Seriously. This child won't eat anything unless it looks, smells, and tastes exactly like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Protein, fruit, and whole grain. Yes. We are THOSE parents and I don't even care anymore. This kid will most likely, one day, turn into a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and I. won't. care. Damnit to H. E. Double Freakin' Hockey Sticks!

GAH! ... Seriously. I. Don't. Care.

I don't.

Anyway.

Scott and I - with complete resentment, contempt, and absolute downright refusal from both kids, are actually toying with the idea of moving to Maui. It's warm. It's beautiful. And it's a little slice of paradise. What is wrong with these kids that they don't want to pack their bags and board a plane right this very minute - I do not know. But I am practicing that whole "I don't care" mantra, and well, I think it's starting to work. I'll let you know how things progress. I mean, there are worse things in life than lying on a beach in Maui, and eating fresh poop... er, I mean fish... don't you think?

Doctor Maui


click image above to see the entire photo

Oh ye little grains of sand


click image above to see the entire photo

Life

Sometimes when you least expect it, life can grab you by the ankles, turn you upside down and give you a hard shake. And if you're like me, maybe you've been grabbed and shaken more than once. It's sometimes hard to recover from such an unexpected interruption in life. It can mean big changes. Changes in the way you see the world. Changes in the way you see others, and changes in yourself. If you're lucky, you can find the humorous side of things. Count it as a learning experience, or chalk it up to being just part of life. If you're like most, eventually you come to terms and make peace with the interruption. After all - what's the alternative?

Big things happen in life all the time. Life, death, illness, job loss. Sometimes the interruptions are so devastating we don't know how we'll ever recover. Sometimes it's much more subtle. People disappoint us - and at times we disappoint ourselves. There are moments where this world seems just plain crazy - and at times so cruel we beg to get off. I know there have been times I've begged. Too tired, too sad, too disappointed to continue. Life sometimes kicks our ass so hard that hanging by our ankles and a hard shake would be a welcome exchange.

I went out with a friend last week. We sat at a table with a couple of people we didn't know, at least for about the first five minutes. After that we knew their names, where they worked, how long they had been together, etc., and they no longer felt like strangers. The woman was lovely. Her boyfriend was not. He made several subtle advances toward my friend, a couple of quiet passes at me, and all the while this lovely woman sat completely enamored of the five years they'd spent together, and the love she felt they had for one another. I felt sorry for her. Part of me wanted to pull her aside and lay out the facts. But I have a feeling it would have been a hard shake.

Two days later I took Zach to an appointment where I met another lovely woman who was sitting in the waiting room. She asked me how old 'my son' was. I smiled "He's eight." I said. She smiled too. "How old is your little one?" I asked, knowing she had a daughter by the pink fur lined jacket she clutched in both hands. "She's seven" she answered. "Is this your son's first time here?" she continued.

She looked tired. I tried to imagine her age but I'm terrible at guessing people's ages - and weight too for that matter, so I don't even try anymore.

"He's actually my grandson." I suddenly felt compelled to tell her. "But we're raising him." "Me too!" she said sounding almost excited at our likeness. "We're raising our granddaughter - or well... I'm raising her." she said looking down at the jacket. "My husband died on Thursday. The adoption was just finalized on Monday." she said, tears filling her eyes. My heart instantly ached for her. "I am so sorry." My response seemed so inadequate.

"We knew it was coming," she said. "He fought the cancer for as long as he could." Just then a nurse walked in and called to her. With a turn of her head and a sad smile sent in my direction she and the pink fur lined jacket disappeared through a set of double doors.

Devastating interruptions I thought, looking over at Zach as he sat holding his favorite stuffed animal waiting to be called back for his appointment.

How do we, in the face of so much pain find the will to go on? How is it we can be shaken so hard, so violently at times, yet continue to move forward in hopes of a better day. Where do we find the strength? How do we remain so optimistic in the face of so many challenges?

Life . . . it's scary as hell and truly amazing all at the same time, isn't it?

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